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Today was pretty grim. I was planning on doing nothing but catching up on my novel/homework, but then my dad told me that we had to go to the hospital because my grandpa had a bad stomachache or something and winded up in the ICU. This has happened quite a few times in the past year alone, and every time we go to visit him I can't help but tearing up when he goes on about how he's probably going to go home to Jesus soon and that he's praying for me. I don't like talking about his mortality, especially when I see him lying there in the hospital bed and in those white sheets. The subject of my eighteenth birthday approaching was brought up, and when my grandma asked me if I was planning to have a party before we left for Hawaii, he started getting really excited and now I feel like I owe it to him to actually have one, even though I hate parties since nobody wants to celebrate my birth lol. I don't know, it just made me even more sad. I already lost one grandpa just two months ago, I don't need my last living grandparent to go.

We went to WinCo after, and then came home. I decided to watch Titanic because I was already sad and I'm on my period besides. So I shut myself up in my room and ~sobbed~. Gets me every time, and Leonardo DiCaprio was such a BABE back in his day. Haha I'm blaming this all on my menstrual cycle. Damn you ovaries!

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w00t w00t for Fridays.

School was busy. I feel a little bad because for our rocket project in Physics which I mentioned earlier, we also have to write a paper which is worth one hundred points and yesterday I told the guy in our group to write it but then said I was kidding, and then today I asked him if he wrote the paper and he turned so red and probably almost had a heart attack until I produced the paper which I had written haha. I had two tests, both of which were in my AP classes so thank you for collaborating that guys. I went to sleep after my AP Gov test on my desk and was awoken by Sara placing a Thin Mint on my neck LOL. And I witnessed probably the most disgusting school PDA ever after school aw.

We had our very last home basketball game (and probably my very last home athletic event ever for high school *sob*) so Marissa picked me up and we arrived about thirty minutes early and just chilled in the gym waiting for it to start. I'm not going to lie, it was a pretty disappointing game, not because we lost -- because we won, of course -- but because our crowd had almost no energy. Regardless, we're one step closer to becoming division champs yet again!

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I am useless at keeping this blog. We're just going to pretend that this is actually Thursday and not Saturday ok.

My mom told me that we're going to Hawaii this summer! I am SO. FREAKING. EXCITED. I'm sure it's not possible to be homesick for somewhere that you've only been to once and the one time that you did go you was when you were only two years old, but I am constantly daydreaming about going back to Oahu and visiting all the old haunts of my parents during their dating years. Every single day I question why my parents decided to move to The Middle of Nowhere, California, instead of staying in Hawaii and letting me grow up there. But all that aside, I could probably cry (although that's probably just due to PMS). I'm psyched to see my mom's side of the family, most of whom I've either seen only once or twice during their random visits here or who I haven't seen since I was two during the aforementioned trip (I feel like watching that particular VHS home video now). I don't even know how we can afford it but it's my dad's dream to go back and it just makes me even more happy!

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Ayeeeee. I really like this shirt and also my ring ugh and shopping in general.

I'm trying to remember if there's anything about today worth writing about and nothing is immediately coming to mind, so I can only assume that there really was nothing happening. OH well it was actually sunny and fairly hot! It reached the mid-70's and it was torture to go inside. I'm still sad that we're apparently surpassing winter completely but, I mean, I live in California. Our winters are nothing but chill mornings and the occasional rainstorm anyways. It's almost shorts weather! Time to start working out :'c

I've kind of been hating myself lately, idk. I don't feel pretty or smart or anything anymore and I really have nothing to wake up for anymore. Haha why am I so undesirable. #firstworldproblems

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Things that were notable:

• I tried Girl Scout cookies for the first time today! They were Caramel DeLites and they were delicious and I don't know why they haven't been in my life prior to this. 
• My shitty iPod Nano froze while I was trying to update it and I think it might be dead for good. SAD LYFE. Also isn't it funny that it froze while "Until the Day I Die" by Story of the Year was on the screen ha ha ha ha nice one universe. 

Aaaaaand yeah. 

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No school today because of President's Day! I celebrated those great men by doing all of my government study guide and actually reading the entire chapter! I am so patriotic.

My dad still had work today, but when he got home we all went to Target and then to Seafood City, which is a Filipino supermarket type of thing in case you're unfamiliar with our fob ways. Usually it's full of hypebeasts but I guess it was too early for them because there were only old people today yay! Then we dropped my dad off at home so that he could take his nap and my mom, my brother, and I went to Tilly's. I am a bad person, I know, but THINGS WERE ON SALE so I had to buy them -- or rather, ask my mom to buy them for me. I have problems, I know.

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Taking a break from novel-writing to update this! I am so bad at keeping this on track. So let's just pretend that I am actually writing this post yesterday!

It's Sunday, so I was woken up early by my parents with offerings of bacon and scrambled eggs so that we could head over to church. Before the service started, the lady sitting behind me complimented me on the earcuff which I bought yesterday at the Galleria awww. My mom said it looks weird and that she'd never seen anyone wear one before, but that is precisely why I like it!

We went to Chipotle for lunch and I got a steak burrito -- huge mistake. I don't like feeling so full, but I was raised to eat all the food on my plate (or rather, foil) and plus it was just so delicious. I think I'll stick with getting my usual bowl from now on. Properly stuffed, we went to Costco and my brother and I had fun being stereotypical Asians as per usual when we go there. And later that night I knocked off about four pages in three hours on my novel then, after my brother went to bed, I sobbed while watching Boys N The Hood for the first time. I'm definitely about to be on my period.

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Went to the Galleria today with Sara and her family! It was exhausting; that mall is far too big and I'm sure that its utter size violates health codes or something. I'd like to say I'm an experienced shopper, but the size of just the individual stores and the amount of clothing they had was overwhelming. I managed to find shorts, a tank, a ring and an ear cuff, though! I'm pretty satisfied with what I walked away with, but I was hoping that with all the selection that was forced upon me that I would actually find something amazing, and I still feel like I spent way too much of my earlygraduation money for the amount of things that I got, though. Also, the highlight of my day was probably when this ~skater kid~ was chilling outside the Forever 21 with his ~skater friends~ and he wheeled by us and said "you look sexy, just saying" and he was like twelve and I promptly told him so. Little boys make me laugh.

The first and second pictures were (of course) taken in the Apple Store, the third is of a terrible-quality photo booth in which me and Sara are in ~burning love~ hahaha, and the last is Sara's obviously failed attempt to take a picture of a guy at the food court who looked like Ray J. Good times.

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Friday! Based on my own personal judgments, it was a pretty good day. It started off lively with a fight outside of the cafeteria this morning -- I know, I am primitive. I found it hilarious how the "ghetto" people and the friends of the ones "fighting" ran as fast as they could to  circle them, while everyone else just casually strolled up to or past them. It was a refreshing start, anyways haha.

We launched our rockets in Physics! I don't know if I've mentioned this before but we've been working on building rockets out of cardstock and such and attaching a capsule that can hold and protect an egg as it falls. Our teacher specifically requested that we not use glitter in our decorations, buuuuut -- my group is badass and  used it anyways whatwhat. Our rocket is definitely prettiest; we're getting extra credit for that for sure. We almost won the highest launch, too, if it wasn't for our arch-nemesis-group! Our own launch was epic. The parachute didn't deploy at first and it was terrifying but then it poofed out at the last second and it was ~beautiful~. To top it off, the annoying know-it-all in my class tried out this really ~innovative~ design for his rocket which everyone was questioning and waiting for it to fail, which is did -- substantially. We all went around high-fiving each other, which I guess is pretty mean, but there's nothing more irritating than a cocky individual who always tries to take over the teaching of the class.

Also, I guess this wouldn't be a funny story if you weren't there, but ... okay, so my Gov teacher and my Econ teacher are BFF and they're always referring to each other as such and they are overall the cutest couple on campus. And today my Econ teacher was talking about one of his other "best friends" and we were all shocked that he had any others and then my Gov teacher walked in and heard him and he was like "OH MY GOD" and ran out of the rume presumably crying and my econ teacher was like "JOSH, WAIT!" and then he turns to us and he's like "Now I'll have to chase him all the way to the airport. That's how these movies usually end, right?" and yeah as I write this it doesn't sound funny but it was the most hilarious thing ever asldfka;jsfkl;.

I had some good Chinese takeout which made me crave some real Chinese food. I swear, if I go to Berkeley or SF State I will be going to China Town every weekend! Now I am sitting at home sad that I am not at the basketball game because everyone else is busy. Siiiiiiigh. I think I'll go trim my hurr.

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I wish I had something good, or at least interesting, to write about my day. I really do. But the only thing that was even vaguely significant today was that I got an email from CalGrants that told me that I didn't receive any. So if I can't somehow get a full-ride scholarship, it looks like I'll be going to community college next year.

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Hey so um I was too lazy to write a proper post today so I asked my friend to do it for me and, well. This:

    deer bloq,
    today i realized chaz iz da best
    n dat she da one dat i tink about all da-a-ay
    also
    i reealized
    i shud tek inishitiv   
 bkuz a possible oppertuniti kame up 2day
    n i hav a way in
    tnx 2 mi fran sara
    n so im gnna do it
    bkuz itz da lass yr of hs
    so iv got nuttin 2 looz
    n erryting 2 gain
    esp hiz nice bod
    n cute smile
    n also im doin
    fantastik in all mi klassez
    k thx bai dat wuz my dai

So um. I guess that's what went down today. Not really how I remember it, but .. yeah. hahahaha. hi chaz. <3 

45 / 366

I'm not in a good mood today, and it's not even the fact that it's Valentine's day. To be honest, I'm not a totally bitter person when it comes to Valentines, so I don't know why I bitched about it so much today. I suppose it was just because I was pissed already for different reasons.

In physics, we finished our rocket project -- and I'm pretty sure that our egg will not survive when it falls hahaha whatever. It's still the prettiest in the class and that's all that really matters, right? I ran all across campus during second period feeling like a mobster because I was collecting money from teachers for Reed and he told me to threaten to break their legs if they didn't pay up. Aww and when I came back to my classroom I found a candy gram from Sara! My first and probably last candy gram ever but I still felt special. It's nice to not be completely forgotten and excluded haha. At lunch we went back to the physics room for a bit to put the finishing touches on our rocket and then okay I don't want to talk about the rest of my day because it's all blah blah blah and nobody cares anyways right?

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I come bearing pictures! Haha it's been a while. I stole these off of Josh's Facebook; he's such a good photographer :'D

I basically spent the day helping out my friend by modeling for her senior project, and this was (a part of) the result! I definitely think I should get this tatted permanently or something. When we finished with the shoot we drove around the Safeway parking lot scaring young children muahaha.

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I didn't go to church today; I woke up late and I guess nobody else in the house wanted to bother either. So later in the afternoon, we went to eat lunch at Chile's, and I am still regretting eating so much. I get so mad at myself for eating crap but then I keep on doing it. I'm sure my body will punish me for it later on by blowing up into gigantic proportions.

Afterwards, we went to Target and picked up some things. I bought a couple of skincare products that I'm excited to try; hopefully they'll help fix the ridiculous thing that is my face. Then my mom and I stopped by the little clothing store next door and I ended up buying a huge shredded sweater and a pair of shorts. About an hour after I got home, my friend came over to practice doing my hair and makeup for the photoshoot we'll be doing tomorrow for her senior project. I'm realllly excited for how they're going to turn out!

After she left, I did some homework and watched TV and was basically a lazy bum.

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I had a very melancholy sort of day. I wrote a couple of pages in my novel, but that was about it. I was forgotten by my cousins, so I didn't go out like I had been planning. And after a talk with one of my closest guy friends, I decided that the best thing for me to do would be to totally give up on some things because it's a complete waste of my time.

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LATE POST. I was way too tired when I got home yesterday to write, especially since I had quite a bit to write about.

School was ... strange. About half of the teachers had taken a sick day in protest of their health insurance or something like that, so I had a substitute in three of my four classes. Apparently some fools decided that they would ditch school "in support of their teachers" when we all know they just wanted a four-day weekend, so the administration that was actually here was cracking down and not letting anyone leave their classrooms even to go to the bathroom, which was not good news for my bladder overall. We ended up doing pretty much nothing meaningful throughout the school day and it was pretty much a waste of time, watching silly movies and documentaries and basically having no reason to be there.

After school ended, I went straight to rehearsals for Asian Showcase and practiced for about four hours before the show actually started. I'm not really sure what specifically went on during that time, but I know that I was intermittently feeling pissed off and dejected and invisible throughout. Haha I actually really hate myself and my lack of significance to anyone lol.

Showcase itself was alright. My ribbon got messed up a couple of times and I totally effed up the ending, but it was funny rather than embarrassing. After we performed and were just chilling backstage, I don't know what happened but it involved crazy dancing and that highonadrenaline feeling and a camera. Lol so I'm definitely going to update this post later whenever the pictures are up on Facebook.

Update: Yeah, I suck at keeping this blog.

Showstopper. Hahahaha.

I wish I could explain what was going on in these pictures, but ... I just can't. I hang with some pretty cool people though. 

(Stole all of these from Rosina!) 

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Ironically, when I have more free time I feel less willing to update this blog. However, I do think that if I started something, I might as well finish it, so I'm obliged to keep on forging on.

It was way, way too nice outside for February today. I'm half stoked and half depressed that winter seems to have bypassed us completely because on the one hand, it means that I can start bringing out the shorts soon, and on the other, it means that there will probably be little to no rain in my immediate future. I luv rain. *sigh* Anywho, I had a pretty busy day in school today. It's getting to be crunch time for all kinds of projects and I'm severely behind in all of them. I stayed after school for about an hour for test corrections in an attempt to raise my ill-fated AP Econ grade. I swear that if I drop dead sometime soon for no apparent cause that you can be sure that it was the stress from Econ that did it to me. I had rehearsals at four, but to be honest I hardly remember what went on during that time haha. Lots of Asians. I can't believe showtime is tomorrow already! Cue the stage fright.

My dad picked me up after and we headed first to Dollar Tree and then to Party City where I found a bag of big cheap Easter eggs for my rocket project for physics; I'm trying to decide how I'm going to insulate it so that the real egg it will be holding won't break when it comes down from the rocket launch. Gah I am so glad that it's going to be a three-day weekend. This has kind of been a week from hell.

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Alright, I am back on schedule! Unfortunately today was incredibly uneventful. I had quizzes and tests and then wasted my time on the computer when I could have been doing useful things like studying or writing or sumthin, since this will be my only free day until who knows when. WHATEVA.

I am a useless individual.

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We had our first Asian Showcase rehearsal today at four, an hour after school. So I killed that hour by going to the Biotech meeting and then just chilling with my peeepz. The rehearsal itself went alright, I think, considering it's the first time all the clubs were coordinating and stuff. It kind of just hit me that I'm going to have to perform in front of like ... people. I haven't done this kind of thing since maybe elementary school haha, I'm getting a little nervous. We'll be alright though, I'm sure.

37 / 366

I am definitely a day behind on this, but I just can't seem to find the time to do anything anymore. Every single day this week I'm going to be so crazy busy it's ridiculous. I have way too much stress on me right now.

So today (yesterday, as I write this) was my last high school academic award. I'm sure it was supposed to be really sentimental and touching and I was supposed to break down and weep because that era is coming to a close, but surprisesurprise -- I didn't. I have never had a pleasant academic awards experience, even though they happen biannually and I got one every time. They just always happened to be days where I clashed really badly with my mom and I've gone to more than one suppressing tears and feeling worthless. It wasn't that bad this time, though, just uneventful.

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I woke up way too early at 7:50, not getting my full eight hours wah. I waited for the rest of my family to wake up and get ready, then we went to church and worshipped and communioned and all that. Afterwards, we stopped by Carl's Jr., which in retrospect was probably a really bad idea because later on in the afternoon we went to my cousin's birthday/Superbowl party where they were serving tons of terrible food and yeah. I felt really guilty eating anything, but I continued to do so. And I also drank soda so I semi-hate myself now. 

The Superbowl itself was not even a good game. I was going for the Patriots and therefore made a complete fool of myself yelling at the television while everyone else in the room was celebrating. I'm not even that big of a Patriots fan, but I just hate the feeling of losing haha. So I'm 1 for 3 this weekend for sports events, ugh. My cousins were kind enough to console me with the prospect of going out for Fenton's ice cream next week, so I have made a full recovery! Haha. And after I digested all of that greasy and delicious food I felt a little better because I still adhered to my "no eating after 6" rule and drank a lot of water when I got home. The brand-new zits on my face, however, are a totally different story. 

This weekend was toooo short, and it looks like I'll have no time to rest in the week ahead. Wohooo. 

35 / 366

Started out the day in a foul mood, probably because I had really tormenting dreams the night before. So I was basically hating myself and feeling blah. I promised myself that I would catch up on my novel, buuuuuut ... distractions came in the form of Tumblr and Facebook and just really random browsing that I was doing in order to prolong my procrastination. I only ended up doing less than a thousand words, because at the last minute I decided to call one of my friends and ask if she was going to the basketball game and yeah, we ended up going.

And okay, we lost, but it was only by two points and we were winning for most of the game anyways. I'm still so proud of the boys because they held up against the #3 ranked team in the state! In my opinion they're way overrated, or at least, we're way underrated at #8 if we could take them like that. After the game, I found that I wasn't that mad at myself anymore, even though given the circumstances I probably should be more mad!

34 / 366

I. Love. My. Huskies! There is no better win than a win that occurs within the last two minutes of a game, aaaaaah! The game was hours ago and I'm still freaking out a little because I'm so proud of the boys. We're ranked #1 in the area now, ayeee!

On the down side, I broke a promise to myself today because I got carried away -- which really is no excuse because that would have been a perfect opportunity. SIGH. Kill me now. I was so close, but further away than ever. Why do I do these things to myself? 

33 / 366

I'm operating under the illusion that I have no real homework, so I'm really not doing anything, even though I know that I should be studying and writing and other such boring things. One more day until the weekend! I feel like my weekends are getting shorter; I don't have time to do anything anymore. This is not good.

I felt like a bitch today because I just found myself completely ignoring freshmen who tried to talk to me, and there was all this guilt because I'm such an unkind person. I should probably stop believing I am above all underclassmen and they are not worthy of my precious time because who knows? They might be more than obnoxious brats trying to get on my good side so I can help them out when I grade their tests!

I'm getting more discouraged by the day, boy-wise, and I feel really self-conscious just writing about this haha. Erica = pathetic.

I wish I could just skip the whole school portion of tomorrowwwww. Hurray for actually having plans for afterwards, even if it's just hanging out with friends and going to a basketball game! Okay, and I'm promising myself that, if opportunities present themselves tomorrow, I'm not going to throw them away like last week (but really, knowing me, those promises will be broken). asdjfkl;asjldf; UGH.

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Wooooo February. Probably my least favorite month ever because of that whole dreaded Valentine's day thing. Ew. #bittersinglegirlproblems 

I feel like there's just too much information that my teachers are throwing in my direction and I just can't handle it anymore. I'm doing progressively worse in all of my classes; I don't even understand half of what's going on in AP Econ anymore, and it's scary because I'm not used to feeling so incompetent when it comes to academics. I'm stressing out so much, it's not even cool anymore. My brain can only handle so much information at a time before things start slipping through the cracks. I'm sure this will get better in time but for now I'm feeling totally overwhelmed and I don't know what to do. 

On a ~positive~ note, I totally think that this obnoxious freshman in the class that I TA for is trying to hit on me or something so that I'll grade his quizzes easier. Nahhhhh man, nahhhhhh. 

My brief and unexplained era of good humor has, obviously, gone with January. xoxoxoxo